#Hey, hey, hey, hey #
# Ooh #
# Ooh-whoa #
# Won't you come see about me #
#I'll be alone dancing, you know it, baby #
# Tell me your troubles and doubts #
# Givin'me everything inside and out and #
#Love's strange So real in the dark #
# Think of the tender things that we were working on #
#Slow change may pull us apart #
# When the light gets into your heart, baby #
#Don't you #
#Forget about me #
#Don't, don't don't, don't #
#Don't you #
#Forget about me #
# Will you stand above me #
#Look my way but never love me #
#Rain keeps fallin' Rain keeps fallin'#
#Down, down, down ##
[Shattering]
[Boy] Saturday, March 24, 1984.
Shermer High School, Shermer, Illinois, 60062.
"Dear Mr. Vernon...
"We accept the fact that we had to sacrifice a whole Saturday in detention...
"for whatever it was we did wrong.
"What we did was wrong...
"but we think you're crazy to make us write an essay telling you who we are.
"What do you care?
"You see us as you want to see us...
"in the simplest terms, with the most convenient definitions.
"You see us as a brain...
"an athlete, a basket case...
"a princess...
"and a criminal.
"Correct?
"That's the way we saw each other at 7:00 this morning.
We were brainwashed. "
I can't believe you can't get me out of this. [Sighs]
It's so absurd I have to be here on a Saturday.
It's not like I'm a defective or anything.
I'll make it up to you.
Honey, ditching class to go shopping doesn't make you a defective.
Have a good day.
Is this the first time or last time we do this? Last.
Well, get in there and use the time to your advantage.
Mom, we're not supposed to study. We have to sit there and do nothing.
Well, mister, you figure out a way to study. Yeah.
Well, go.
Hey, I screwed around.
Guys screw around. There's nothing wrong with that...
except you got caught, sport. Yeah, Mom already reamed me.
You want to miss a match? You want to blow your ride?
Now, no school is gonna give a scholarship to a discipline case.
[Tires Skid]
[Snickers]
Well, well. Here we are.
I wanna congratulate you for being on time.
Excuse me, sir? I think there's been a mistake.
I know it's detention but, um, I don't think I belong in here.
It is now 7:06.
You have exactly eight hours and fifty-four minutes to think about why you're here.
Ponder the error of your ways. [Hawks, Spits]
- [Gasps] - You may not talk.
You will not move from these seats.
And you... will not sleep.
All right, people, we're going to try something a little different today.
We are going to write an essay... of no less than a thousand words...
describing to me who you think you are. Is this a test?
And when I say essay, I mean essay.
I do not mean a single word repeated a thousand times.
- Is that clear, Mr. Bender? - Crystal.
Good. Maybe you'll learn something about yourself.
Maybe you'll even decide whether or not you care to return.
Uh, I can answer that right now, sir.
- That'd be no for me, 'cause... - Sit down, Johnson.
Thank you, sir.
My office is right across that hall. Any monkey business is ill-advised.
Any questions?
Yeah. I got a question.
Does Barry Manilow know that you raid his wardrobe?
I'll give you the answer to that question, Mr. Bender, next Saturday.
Don't mess with the bull, young man, you'll get the horns.
That man is a brownie hound.
[Clicking Noise]
[Clicking Continues]
[Clicking Stops]
You keep eating your hand, you're not going to be hungry for lunch.
[Loud Click] [Spits]
I've seen you before, you know.
[Under Breath] Who I think I am.
Who are you?
I am a walrus.
[Blows]
It's the shits, huh?
- [Nervous Chuckle, Clears Throat] - [Paper Rustling]
## [Humming]
I can't believe this is really happening to me.
Oh, shit!
What are we supposed to do if we have to piss? Please.
If you got to go, you got to go. [Zipper Unzips]
[Grunts] Oh, my God.
You're not urinating in here, man. Don't talk. Don't talk.
- It makes it crawl back up. - You whip it out, you're dead before the first drop hits.
You're pretty sexy when you get angry. [Growls]
Hey, homeboy, why don't you go close that door.
We'll get the prom queen impregnated.
Hey. Hey.!
- What? - If I lose my temper, you're totalled, man.
- Totally? - Totally.
Why don't you shut up? Nobody here's interested.
Really. Buttface.
Hey, sporto, what'd you do to get in here? Forget to wash your jock?
Uh, excuse me, fellas, I think we should just write our papers.
Just because you live in here doesn't give you the right to be a pain in the ass.
So knock it off! It's a free country.
He's just doing it to get a rise out of you. Just ignore him.
Sweets.
You couldn't ignore me if you tried.
So...
so...
are you guys like boyfriend-girlfriend?
Steady dates?
Lovers?
Come on, sporto. Level with me.
Do you slip her the hot-beef injection?
Go to hell! Enough!
Hey! What's going on in there?
Spoiled little pricks.
Scumbag.
What do you say we close that door?
Can't have any kind of party with Vernon checking us every few seconds.
You know the door's supposed to stay open.
So what? So why don't you just shut up.
- There's four other people in here, you know? - God, you can count.
I knew you had to be smart to be a wrestler.
Who the hell are you to judge anybody anyway? Really.
[Boy] You know, Bender, you don't even count.
If you disappear forever, it wouldn't make any difference.
You may as well not even exist at this school.
Well, I'll run right out and join the wrestling team.
- [Both Chuckle] - Maybe the prep club too. Student council.
Nah. They wouldn't take you.
- I'm hurt. - You know why guys like you knock everything?
This should be stunning. Because you're afraid.
Oh, God. You richies are so smart. That's exactly why I'm not heavy in activities.
- You're a big coward. - I'm in a Math Club.
You're afraid that they won't take you, you don't belong, so you dump all over it.
Well, it wouldn't have anything to do with you activities people being assholes, would it?
Well, you wouldn't know. You don't even know any of us.
Well, I don't know any lepers either...
but I'm not going to run and join one of their fucking clubs.
Hey, let's watch the mouth, huh? I'm in Physics Club too.
Excuse me a sec. What are you babbling about?
What I said was that I'm in the Math Club...
uh, the Latin Club and the Physics Club... Physics Club.
Hey. Cherry.
Do you belong to the Physics Club?
That's an academic club. So?
Academic clubs aren't the same as other kinds of clubs.
Ah, but to dorks like him, they are.
What do you guys do in your club?
In physics, well, we talk about physics. Properties of physics.
So it's sort of social. Demented and sad, but social, right?
[Johnson] I guess you could consider it a social situation.
Um, I mean, there are other children in my club. And, uh...
at the end of the year, we have, um, we have a big banquet at the Hilton.
You load up. You party.
No. We get dressed up, but we don't get high.
- Only burners like you get high. - And I didn't have any shoes, so I had to borrow my dad's.
It's weird 'cause my mom doesn't like me to wear other people's shoes.
My counsel kent... My cousin Kendall from Indiana, he got high once.
And, you know, he started eating, like, really weird foods.
Then he felt like he didn't belong anywhere, kind of like Twilight Zone, kinda?
- [Laughs] Sounds like you. - You guys keep up your talking and Vernon's gonna come in.
I got a meet this Saturday, and I'm not gonna miss it on account of you boneheads.
Oh, and wouldn't that be a bite? [Grunts]
Missing a whole wrestling meet?
You wouldn't know anything about it, faggot.
You never competed in your whole life.
[Mock Crying] Oh, I know. I feel all empty inside because of it.
I have such a deep admiration for guys who roll around on the floor with other guys.
You'd never miss it. You don't have any goals. Oh, but I do.
I want to be just like you.
I figure all I need's a lobotomy and some tights.
You wear tights?
No, I don't wear tights.
- I wear the required uniform. - Tights.
Shut up.
[Snorts] Woo!
[Johnson] There's not supposed to be any monkey business.
Young man, have you finished your paper?
[Boy] Come on, Bender. Don't screw around.
What are you going to do? Drop dead, I hope.
[Water Running]
[Shouts, Indistinct] All right!
Bender, that's-that's school property there, and it doesn't belong to us.
- It's something not to be toyed with. - That's very funny. Fix it.
You should really fix that. Am I a genius?
No, you're an asshole. Fix the door, Bender. What a funny guy.
Everyone, just shh. I've been here before. I know what I'm doing.
[Boy] No. Fix the door.! [Bender] Shut up.!
Goddamn it.!
Why is that door closed?
How are we supposed to know? We're not supposed to move.
- Why? - We're just sitting here like we're supposed to.
Who closed that door?
- I think a screw fell out of it. - It just closed, sir.
Who? [Squeaks]
- She doesn't talk, sir. - [Girl Squeaks]
- [Vernon] Give me that screw. - I don't have it.
You want me to yank you out of that seat?
I don't have it. Screws fall out all the time. The world's an imperfect place.
Give it to me, Bender.
Excuse me, sir. Why would anybody want to steal a screw?
Watch it, young lady.
[Door Opens]
The door's way too heavy, sir.
[Vernon] Damn it.! [Clattering]
Andrew Clark, get up here.
[Snaps Fingers] Come on. Front and center. Let's go.
- Hey, how come Andrew gets to get up? - That's right.
Lfhe gets up, we'll all get up. It'll be anarchy.!
Watch-Watch the magazines. It's out of my hands.
That's very clever, sir, but what if there's a fire?
I think violating fire codes and endangering the lives of children...
would be unwise at this juncture in your career, sir.
All right. What are you doing with this? Get this out of here, for God's sake.
What's the matter with you? Come on.
You know, the school comes equipped with fire exits at either end of the library.
- Show Dick some respect. - Let's go.
Go. Get back in your seat.
I expected a little more from a varsity letterman.
You're not fooling anybody, Bender.
The next screw that falls out is gonna be you.
- Eat my shorts. - What was that?
Eat... my... shorts.
You just bought yourself another Saturday, mister.
- Oh, I'm crushed. - You just bought one more right there.
Well, I'm free the Saturday after that. Beyond that, I'll have to check my calendar.
Good! Because it's gonna be filled. We'll keep going.
You want another one? Say the word. Just say the word.
Instead of going to prison, you'll come here.
- Are you through? - No.
I'm doing society a favor. That's another right now. So?
I've got you for the rest of your life if you don't watch your step.
You want another one? Yes.
You got it.! You got another one right there. That's another one, pal.
Cut it out!
- [Mouthing] Stop. - You through?
Not even close, bud.
- You got one more right there. - You really think I give a shit?
Another.
- You through? - How many is that?
That's seven, including the one when you asked Mr. Vernon here...
whether Barry Manilow knew he raided his closet.
- Now it's eight. Stay out of it. - Excuse me, sir. It's seven.
Shut up, peewee.
You're mine, Bender. For two months, I got ya.
I got ya.
What can I say? I'm thrilled.
Oh, I sure that's exactly what you want these people to believe. You know something?
You ought to spend a little more time trying to do something with yourself.'...
and a little less time trying to impress people.
You might be better off. All right. That's it!
I'm gonna be right outside those doors.
The next time I have to come in here, I'm cracking skulls.
Fuck you!
[Sighs]
Fuck.
Wake up!
Who has to go to the lavatory?
- That's real intelligent. - You're right.
It's wrong to destroy literature.
It's such fun to read.
And...
"Molay" really pumps my nads.
Molière.
I love his work.
Big deal. Nothing to do when you're locked in a vacancy.
Speak for yourself.
Do you think I'd speak for you? I don't even know your language.
Hey, you grounded tonight?
I don't know. My mom said I was. My dad told me just to blow her off.
There's a big party at Stubby's. His parents are in Europe.
It should be pretty wild. Are you going to go? Yeah?
- I doubt it. - How come?
'Cause if I do what my mother tells me not to do, it's because my father says it's okay.
It's like this whole, big monster deal. It's endless. It's a total drag.
It's like, any minute, divorce.
- Who do you like better? - What?
- You like your old man better than your mom? - They're both screwed.
No, I mean, if you had to choose between 'em.
I don't know. Probably go live with my brother.
I mean, I don't think either one of them gives a shit about me.
- It's like they use me to get back at each other. - Ha!
- Shut up! - You're just feeling sorry for yourself.
Yeah, if I didn't, nobody else would.
Oh, you're breaking my heart. What? Sporto?
You get along with your parents?
Well, If I say yes, I'm an idiot, right?
You're an idiot anyway.
But if you say you get along with your parents, well, you're a liar too.
You know something, man? If we weren't in school, I'd waste you.
Can you hear this?
You want me to turn it up?
Hey, fellas, I mean...
I don't like my parents, either. I mean, I don't...
I don't get along with them when their idea of parental compassion...
is just, you know, wacko, you know.
Dork. Yeah?
You are a parent's wet dream, okay?
That's the problem. Look, I can see you getting all bunged up...
for them making you wear these kind of clothes...
but, face it, you're a neo-maxi-zoon-dweebie.
What would you be doing if you weren't out making yourself a better citizen?
Why do you have to insult everybody?
I'm being honest, asshole.
I would expect you to know the difference.
Well, he's got a name. Yeah. Yeah?
What's your name? Brian.
See? My condolences.
What's your name?
What's yours?
- Claire. - Claire?
Claire. It's a family name.
- Oh. It's a fat girl's name. - Oh, thank you.
You're welcome. I'm not fat.
Not at present, but I can see you really pushing maximum density.
You see, I'm not sure if you know this, but there are two kinds of fat people...
there's fat people that were born to be fat...
and there's fat people that were once thin, but they became fat.
So when you look at them, you can sort of see that thin person inside.
You see, you're gonna get married.
You're gonna squeeze out a few puppies, and then...
[Grunting]
Oh. Obscene finger gestures from such a pristine girl.
I'm not that pristine.
Are you a virgin?
I'll bet you a million dollars that you are.
Let's end the suspense.
Is it going to be a white wedding?
Why don't you just shut up.
Have you ever kissed a boy on the mouth?
Have you ever been felt up...
over the bra, under the blouse...
your shoes off.'...
hoping to God your parents don't walk in?
Do you want me to puke?
Over the panties...
no bra...
blouse unbuttoned, Calvin's in a ball on the front seat...
past 11:00 on a school night?
[Andrew] Leave her alone.
I said leave her alone.
- You gonna make me? - Yeah.
You and how many of your friends?
Just me.
Just you and me. Two hits.
Me hitting you. You hitting the floor. Anytime you're ready, pal.
I don't want to get into this, man.
Why not?
Because I'd kill you.
It's real simple. I'd kill you...
and your fucking parents would sue me, and it'd be a big mess.
I don't care enough about you to bother.
Chickenshit. [Switchblade Clicks]
Let's end this right now.
You don't talk to her. You don't look at her.
And you don't even think about her! You understand me?
I'm trying to help her.
##[Radio]
Brian, how you doing?
Your dad work here?
Uh, Carl? What?
Can I ask you a question? Sure.
- How does one become a janitor? - You want to be a janitor?
No. I just want to know how one becomes a janitor, because Andrew here...
is very interested in pursuing a career in the custodial arts.
Oh, really?
You guys think I'm some untouchable peasant, serf, peon, you know?
Maybe so. But following a broom around after shitheads like you...
for the last eight years, I've learned a couple of things.
I look through your letters. I look through your lockers.
I listen to your conversations. You don't know that, but I do.
I am the eyes and ears of this institution, my friends.
By the way, that clock's 20 minutes fast.
[Andrew Chuckles] Shit.
## [Whistling]
## [All Whistling]
[Whistling "Beethoven's Fifth Symphony"]
All right, girls. That's 30 minutes for lunch.
Here? Here.
I think the cafeteria would be a more suitable place for us to eat lunch in.
I don't care what you think, Andrew. Uh, Dick?
Excuse me, Rich. Will milk be made available to us?
- We're extremely thirsty. Sir. - I have a really low tolerance for dehydration.
I've seen her dehydrated, sir. It's pretty gross.
Relax. I'll get it. Ah-ah-ah.
Grab some wood there, bub.
What do you think, I was born yesterday?
You think I'm going to have you roaming these halls?
- You. - [Sighs]
And you. Hey!
[Snaps Fingers] What's her name? Wake her up.
Hey, come on. On your feet, missy, Let's go! This is no rest home.
There's a soft drink machine in the teachers' lounge. Let's go.
So... what's your poison?
What do you drink?
Okay. Forget I asked.
Vodka.
Vodka? When do you drink vodka?
Whenever.
A lot? Tons.
Is that why you're here today?
Why are you here? Why are you here?
Um...
I'm here today because, uh...
because my coach and my father don't want me to blow my ride.
I get treated differently because, uh, coach thinks I'm a winner.
So does my old man.
I'm not a winner because I want to be one.
I'm a winner because I got strength and speed, kind of like a racehorse.
That's about how involved I am in what's happening to me. Yeah?
That's very interesting.
Now why don't you tell me why you're really in here.
[Scoffs] Forget it.
Claire? Want to see a picture of a guy with elephantiasis of the nuts?
It's pretty tasty. No, thank you.
How do you think he rides a bike?
Claire? Would you consider dating a guy like this?
- Can't you just leave me alone? - I mean, if he had a great personality...
was a good dancer and had a cool car?
You'd probably have to ride in the backseat because his nuts would ride shotgun.
[Sighs] You know what I wish I was doing?
Watch what you say. Brian here is a cherry.
- A cherry? - I wish I was in a plane...
- to France. - I'm not a cherry.
- When have you ever gotten laid? - I've laid lots of times.
- Name one. - She lives in Canada.
I met her at Niagara Falls. You wouldn't know her.
Ever laid anyone around here?
Oh. You and Claire did it?
- What are you talking about? - Nothing. Nothing.
Let's just drop it, okay? We'll talk about it later.
- What are you talking about? - Brian's trying to tell me...
that in addition to the number of girls in the Niagara Falls area...
that presently you and he are riding the hobby horse.
- Little pig. - No, I'm not.
John said I was a cherry, and I said I wasn't. That's all that was said.
Then what were you motioning to Claire for?
- I don't appreciate this very much, Brian. - He is lying.
You weren't motioning to Claire?
You know he's lying, right? Were you or were you not motioning to Claire?
Yeah, but it was only...
It was only because I didn't want her to know I was a virgin.
Excuse me for being a virgin. I'm sorry.
[Scoffs] Why didn't you want me to know you were a virgin?
Because it's personal business. It's my personal, private business.
Well, Brian, it doesn't sound like you're doing any business.
I think it's okay for a guy to be a virgin.
You do?
What's in there?
Guess. Where's your lunch?
You're wearing it. You're nauseating.
What's that?
- Sushi. - Sushi?
[Laughs] Rice, raw fish and seaweed.
You won't accept a guy's tongue in your mouth, and you're gonna eat that?
Can I eat?
I don't know. Give it a try.
[Clears Throat]
[Loud Slurping]
[Andrew] What's your problem?
What are we having?
Uh, it's your standard, regular lunch, I guess.
Milk? Soup.
Uh, that's apple juice. I can read.
PB&J with the crusts cut off.
Well, Brian, this is a very nutritious lunch.
All the food groups are represented.
Did your mom marry Mr. Rogers?
No, Mr. Johnson. Hah.
Here's my impression of the life at big Bri's house.
[Deep Voice] Son? [Normal Voice] Yeah, Dad?
How's your day, pal? Great, Dad.
How's yours? Super.
Say, son, how'd you like to go fishing this weekend?
Great, Dad. But I've got homework to do.
That's all right, son. You can do it on the boat.
Gee.!
Dear, isn't our son swell? Yes, dear.
Isn't life swell?
Oh. [Loud Kiss]
[Grunts]
All right. What about your family?
Who, mine? It's real easy. Yeah.
[Deep Voice] Stupid, worthless, no-good...
goddamn freeloading son of a bitch.
Retarded, big mouth, know-it-all, asshole, jerk.
[High Voice] You forgot ugly, lazy and disrespectful.
Shut up, bitch! Go fix me a turkey potpie.
What about you, Dad? [Deep Voice] Fuck you.
No, Dad. What about you? Fuck you!
Bam!
- Is that for real? - You want to come over sometime?
That's bullshit. It's all part of your image.
- I don't believe a word of it. - You don't believe me?
No. No?
Did I stutter?
Do you believe this? Huh?
It's about the size of a cigar. Do I stutter?
See, this is what you get in my house when you spill paint in the garage.
I don't think that I need to sit with you fucking dildos anymore.
[Yelling]
Fuck!
- You shouldn't have said that. - How did I know?
I mean he lies about everything anyway.
Oh, shit.
Coffee. Looks like it's been scraped off the bottom of the Mississippi River.
Everything's polluted. Everything's polluted.
The coffee's polluted. The kids are polluted.
How do you know where Vernon went? I don't.
Then how do you know when he'll be back? I don't.
Being bad feels pretty good. Huh?
What's the point of going to Bender's locker? Beats me.
This is so stupid. Why are we risking getting caught?
I don't know.
So then what are we doing? You ask me one more question...
and I'm beating the shit out of you. Sorry.
You're such a slob. My maid's on vacation.
[Sniffing] It's drugs.
Screw that, Bender. Put it back.
Drugs. The boy has marijuana.
That was marijuana. Shut up, dick.
Do you approve of this?
[Bender] We'll cross through the lab, and then we'll double back.
[Andrew] You better be right. If Vernon cuts us off, it's your fault, asshole.
[Brian] What did he say? Where are we going?
#Hot on the run from the grip of the power game #
# The man who leads the way The man who leads the way #
#Shell in its box from his home that they'll never tame #
# The man who leads the way The man who leads the way #
Wait. Wait. Hold it. Hold it.
We have to go through the cafeteria. No, the activities hall.
Hey, man, you don't know what you're talking about. You don't know.
We're through listening to you. We're going this way.
You go where you want, mother hen. Come on!
#He is burning #
#Burning in the twilight #
#He is turning Turning to face us #
#He is burning #
#Fire in the twilight ##
Shit! Fuck you. Great idea, jag-off.
Fuck you. Why didn't you listen toJohn?
We're dead.
No. Just me. What do you mean?